The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a relationship psychology book by John Gottman and Nan Silver, first published by Harmony Books in 2015. Based on decades of research in Gottman’s “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, it offers a practical, evidence-based framework for creating and maintaining healthy, emotionally intelligent marriages. The book is a New York Times bestseller with over a million copies sold.

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Key facts

• Authors: John Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver

• First publication: May 5, 2015 (Harmony Books)

• Format: Paperback and e-book

• Length: About 300 pages

• Genre: Relationship psychology/self-help

Background and research basis

The book distills findings from more than 40 years of Gottman’s research into marital stability and divorce prediction. Using behavioral observations, physiological measurements, and longitudinal data from couples in the “Love Lab,” Gottman identified patterns that determine relational success or failure with high predictive accuracy.

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The seven principles

Gottman and Silver present seven core habits that characterize resilient couples, including building “love maps,” nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward rather than away during conflict, accepting influence, solving solvable problems, managing gridlock, and creating shared meaning. Each principle is supported by exercises and questionnaires designed to promote empathy, respect, and constructive communication.

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Impact and applications

The framework popularized the concept of “emotionally intelligent marriage” and influenced modern couples therapy. It underpins workshops and resources developed by The Gottman Institute, used by counselors and educators worldwide. The book’s accessible tone and blend of science with practical guidance have made it a cornerstone text for relationship education and self-help.

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