Is It Stress or Teen Anxiety? How Parents Can Help
It's Sunday night and your daughter has a stomachache again. Your son has quit the activities he used to love and says he is "just tired." Or your teen asks for the fifth time tonight whether you are sure you will be there to pick them up. You can tell something is off, but you can't tell if it is a normal teenage phase or something more.
Anxiety is one of the most common struggles teens face. Survey data cited by the National Institute of Mental Health estimates that about 32% of U.S. adolescents ages 13 to 18 have had an anxiety disorder at some point, with higher rates for girls (38%) than boys (26%). If your teen is struggling, you are far from alone, and there is a lot you can do at home.
Normal worry or anxiety that needs attention?
Some worry is healthy. Nerves before a test, a tryout or a first job interview show that your teen cares, and that kind of stress usually fades once the moment passes.
Anxiety becomes a problem when it is bigger than the situation, sticks around for weeks, and starts to shrink your teen's life. Signs to watch for:
Avoiding school, friends, church or activities they used to enjoy
Headaches, stomachaches or nausea before stressful events, especially when a doctor has found no physical cause
Trouble falling asleep because their mind won't stop racing
Asking for reassurance over and over, when the answer never seems to stick
Tears, anger or shutting down when asked to do something that scares them
Panic attacks: a pounding heart, shaky breathing and a sense that something terrible is about to happen
Teens rarely say "I feel anxious." Many say "I'm fine" and show it through their bodies or their behavior instead.
Why helping too much can keep anxiety going
When your child is scared, every instinct says to make the fear go away. So you email the teacher to get them out of the presentation, you order for them at restaurants, and you answer the same worried question again and again. Researchers call this family accommodation, and nearly every loving parent does it.
The trouble is that each time a teen avoids something scary, their brain learns two lessons: the thing really was dangerous, and they could not have handled it. The relief is real, but it doesn't last. Next time, the fear is a little bigger.
A study led by Eli Lebowitz at the Yale Child Study Center tested a program called SPACE that works only with parents. Parents learned to cut back on accommodation while staying warm and supportive. Children whose parents completed the program improved about as much as children who received cognitive behavioral therapy themselves. That is hopeful news. What you do at home matters a great deal.
This doesn't mean tough love or pushing your teen into the deep end. It means trading rescue for support.
Things you can try this week
Name it without judging it. "You look really worried about tomorrow. That makes sense. It's a big day." Feeling understood calms things down before you problem-solve.
Pair empathy with confidence. Try: "I know this feels hard, and I know you can handle it." Both halves matter.
Pick one small step forward. If your teen has been skipping the cafeteria, the first step might be sitting there for ten minutes with one friend. Small wins build courage faster than big leaps.
Shorten the reassurance loop. Answer a worried question once, kindly. After that, try: "I think you already know what I'm going to say. What do you think?"
Protect sleep. A tired brain worries more. Agree on a time when phones charge outside the bedroom, and keep it steady on weekends when you can.
Calm the body first. Slow breathing with a longer exhale, a walk around the block or a few minutes of stretching can bring panic down enough to think. Practice when things are calm so the skill is ready when it's needed.
Show them how you cope. Teens learn a lot by watching you. Saying out loud, "I'm nervous about this meeting, so I'm going to take a few breaths and go anyway," teaches more than a lecture.
How therapy helps anxious teens
Anxiety is very treatable. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most studied approaches for anxious kids and teens. It helps them catch catastrophic predictions, test those predictions against what actually happens, and face feared situations in small, planned steps so their confidence grows.
Our therapists also draw on other approaches when they fit, such as ACT for learning to carry uncomfortable feelings without letting them run the show, and DBT skills for teens whose emotions arrive at full intensity. We offer a teen DBT skills group for ages 13 to 17 at our Provo office, plus a Gottman parenting group for parents of teens.
Parents are part of the process. In Utah, a parent or guardian consents to treatment for anyone under 18. In the first session, the therapist talks with you and your teen together about what stays private and what parents will always be told, so everyone knows the ground rules from day one.
Several of our therapists work with teens, including Emily Scoffield, Kristen Morgan, Brittany Taggart and Aubree Stock, and Brian Austin sees teens 16 and older. Every clinician who sees teens also offers telehealth anywhere in Utah, which helps with busy school and sports schedules. You can learn more on our teen therapy page.
When to reach out for help
Consider talking with a therapist if:
The anxiety has lasted more than a few weeks and is getting worse, not better
Your teen is missing school or dropping activities because of it
Panic attacks are happening
Physical symptoms keep showing up (a doctor visit can rule out other causes)
Your family's schedule and plans now bend around the worry
Your teen also seems down, hopeless or withdrawn
If your teen talks about wanting to die or about hurting themselves, take it seriously and get help right away. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In an emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Frequently asked questions
Will my teen grow out of anxiety?
Some everyday worries ease with time. But anxiety that leads to avoidance tends to grow, because avoiding feared situations keeps the fear alive. Getting help early usually makes the road shorter and easier.
What if my teen refuses to go to therapy?
That is common. You can start with a free 15-minute call yourself and ask what a first session would look like. You can also start making changes at home now, since research like the SPACE study shows that how parents respond makes a real difference. Many teens agree to try once they learn they get privacy and a say in their goals.
Does insurance cover therapy for teens?
Often, yes. We work with plans including Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Cigna, DMBA, EMI Health, PEHP, Select Health, UMR, UnitedHealthcare and University of Utah Health Plans. The plan needs to be the one your teen is covered under, and we check coverage on the free call. Self-pay is $150 per 60-minute session. Our rates and insurance page has the details.
Your teen doesn't have to face this alone
Anxiety can make a teen's world feel small, and it can wear out the whole family. With the right support, that world can open back up. Book a free 15-minute call to talk through what you are seeing, or call us at (385) 582-9559.
This post is general information, not medical or mental health advice. For guidance about your situation, talk with a licensed professional.
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